Hate This Day

Today, I had the scariest moment of my life.
My long-time boyfriend, who I love with all my heart and can't live without, has diabetes. It was December 2003 when we got the diagnose. We learned about the disease and now it's just a part of our life.
This morning started different than usual. We slept over, so we took it slow. I made some coffee and breakfast, while my boyfriend played on the PS3. Suddenly he stopped playing and had this weird look on his face. When I asked him what's wrong, he got into a terrible ceasure. I totally panicked! When he stopped with the shaking, and turned all pale, I thought he had died, so I called the emergency line. She talked me through the whole situation and was really good. She calmed me down a bit while I waited for help.
First the police arrived, and my sweet neighbours came to help also. They are such great & sweet people. I'm totally blessed. Then we took off to the hospital...

It looks like my boyfriend is going to be fine, but they don't understand why the ceasure was that extreme. So because of that, he must spent the night in the hospital and run some more tests.
For the first time I'm home alone in our own place. I have loads of people around me who are nice enough to care, but I need to be alone tonight. Today I needed to be strong and I didn't want to show my real feelings (like always..). When I got home, and got off the phone, I cleaned up the mess that was made this morning and tried my best not to cry. I have the feeling when I start crying, I can't stop and get weak. I don't want to be weak. But when I think about this morning, and I think of the moment where I thought he was gone and how sudden it all was, I get scared and can't stop the tears from falling...